- Offer the robbers free financial advice, maybe they’ll invest in a retirement plan and call it a day.
- Start a group sing-along to distract them from their crime.
- Use your best Jedi mind tricks to convince the robbers that they are actually on a game show and they will win a prize if they leave peacefully.
- Offer the robbers a plate of freshly-baked cookies, it’s hard to be mad when you’re eating cookies.
- Start a game of rock-paper-scissors with the robbers. The winner gets to walk out of the bank.
- Tell the robbers you have a bomb in your bag, and then when they look, pull out your lunch and say “just kidding, it’s a sandwich”
- Offer the robbers a yoga class to help them relax and release their tension.
- Tell them you have a prophecy that they will be caught by the police and go to jail, maybe they will give up and leave.
- Use your phone to make a video of the event, post it on social media and make the robbers internet famous.
- Tell them you have a time machine, and if they leave now, they can go back and not rob the bank.
- Ask the robbers to take a survey about their customer service skills, they might get mad and leave.
- Start a conga line and invite the robbers to join in.
- Tell them you have a super power to turn them into a toad if they don’t leave.
- Start doing the robot dance, maybe they will think it’s so cool they’ll join in and forget about robbing the bank.
- Tell the robbers that the bank has a secret vault filled with ice cream and they can have all they want if they just leave.
Oh, wait. Were you serious about that hostage situation? If you need serious help, here are some potentially better tips that may actually be helpful.
- Remain calm and try not to show any signs of fear or panic: Showing fear or panic can escalate the situation and make it more dangerous for everyone involved. The kidnappers may also take advantage of a panicked hostage by becoming more aggressive or demanding. Staying calm can help you think more clearly and make better decisions. However, it is not easy to remain calm in such a stressful situation, and it can be difficult to control one’s emotions.
- Follow the kidnappers’ instructions and do not make any sudden movements: Sudden movements can be perceived as a threat and may provoke a violent response. Following the kidnappers’ instructions can help to keep the situation under control and prevent unnecessary escalation. However, following the kidnappers’ instructions may also put you in a position of danger or may contradict with your personal values.
- Try to remember as much as you can about the kidnappers’ physical appearance and behavior: This information can be used to help identify the kidnappers and aid in their capture. However, it can also put you at risk if the kidnappers realize that you are trying to remember their appearance and behavior.
- Look for an opportunity to escape or signal for help, but do not take unnecessary risks: While it’s important to try to escape, it’s also important to not put yourself in a more dangerous situation. Only escape if there is a clear opportunity to do so safely. However, it is not always possible to find an opportunity to escape, and there may not be a clear way to signal for help.
- Avoid drawing attention to yourself and try to blend in with the other hostages: The kidnappers may be more likely to harm or single out hostages who stand out. However, it can be difficult to blend in if the kidnappers are paying attention to you, and it may not be possible if you are the only hostage.
- Be prepared to be searched, and do not carry anything that could be used as a weapon: If the kidnappers search you and find something that could be used as a weapon, it could increase the danger for you and the other hostages. However, it may also put you at a disadvantage if you don’t have anything that could be used as a weapon if the situation becomes violent.
- Avoid making eye contact with the kidnappers: Making eye contact can be perceived as a challenge or a threat, and may provoke a violent response. However, avoiding eye contact can also be seen as disrespectful or submissive, which may also provoke a negative response from the kidnappers.
- Try to keep track of time and how long the situation lasts: Knowing how long the situation has been ongoing can be useful information for law enforcement and negotiators. However, it can also be difficult to accurately keep track of time in a stressful situation, and it may not be possible if you are moved to another location.
- Try to establish a rapport with the kidnappers if possible: Establishing a rapport with the kidnappers can help to create a sense of trust and may make them less likely to harm you. However, it may also put you at risk if the kidnappers perceive you as a threat or if they become too comfortable with you.
- Try to stay close to an exit or a potential escape route: Being near an exit can increase your chances of escaping if an opportunity arises. However, it can also put you at risk if the kidnappers are monitoring the exits or if the exits are blocked.
- Seek medical attention immediately if you are injured: Injuries can become more serious if left untreated. However, it may not be possible to seek medical attention if you are being held in a remote location or if the
Tags: bankrobbery, danger, dangerous, escape, funny, hostages, parody
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